Day 2 (31-Day Reset)

"No longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from. Fill your lives with love and bravery and you shall lead a life uncommon."

Assignment

For each of these specific areas of your life, ask yourself two questions.
1. What do I LOVE about this area of my life?
2. What do I HATE about it?

Lifestyle

Satisfaction with where you live/living environment, how you spend your leisure time these days.

• I absolutely love that we live in a safe neighborhood within walking distance of the park, pool and (man made) beach.
• I hate that I am so anxious about something happening to my babies that I have not left them with anyone (not even my husband) and as a result have lost connection with a few friends. I have really (secretly) been hoping to find a few single mom friends because although I have a partner, my thinking and many actions are more similar to a single mother than a happily married one.

Work

Satisfaction with where you work right now, what you do to earn your living.

• I love that it is not financially necessary (like for us to survive) for me to work.
• I hate feeling like people think I'm not contributing and nothing is my own. On Saturday, after keeping my children up SEVERAL hours after their bedtime, entertaining, etc. etc. for a week, (my in-laws were here) the babies and I woke up around 9:30 AM or so and my husband said I "don't do anything". I was more hurt than mad. I never ever ever EVER want my children in daycare and absolutely love spending every second of my life with them. Every second. (I mean, I miss them while they're sleeping and I'm still in the house with them!!!) but I feel like I contribute and saying I don't do anything makes me feel worthless. He later claimed he meant I didn't do anything that morning but I'm not sure why he didn't say that before the steam was pouring out of my ears.

Education

Satisfaction with your educational attainment to date - college, vocational school and other learning goals.

• I love that I was accepted to and graduated on-time from a top university.
• I hate that I was so sure of being a pediatric oncologist or trauma surgeon and now I'm not sure what I want. I like the idea of being a nurse and helping people feel more comfortable when they are sick. But I like spending time with my children and I love other children so I thought about being a teacher. As a child, I wanted to write and teach music on the side and those are still my passion so maybe I can be a freelance writer/piano teacher?

Finances

The current state of your budget/money management, salary, net worth, debt-to-income ratio.

• I love that we own a house and most of our bills can be eliminated if needed (they're just cable, internet, phone, etc.).
• I hate that I'm not contributing financially so some of the luxuries my husband and I enjoyed as children (such as plenty of trips out of state) are not quite available to my children yet.

Health

The current state of your mental, physical and spiritual health - mind, body, soul.

• I love how I have embraced this role of motherhood, breastfeeding, cosleeping, etc. I couldn't even say the word "breast" without blushing before I had my son. I am also proud of myself for losing a fair amount of weight (I am very embarrassed to say I lost 78 pounds after the birth of my son and STILL have more to go).
• I hate that I cannot lose weight easily and/or keep it off (supposedly) due to PCOS. Something that really triggers a horrible anxiety in me is death. I hate that I'm so comfortable with my life that I'm petrified to die. As a Christian, I should be excited about Heaven, but instead, I'm terrified of dying because it is an unknown and I do not know if I will know, love, be around my children.

Family

The quality of your relationships with family members, siblings, children.

• I love that my parents live so closely to us and anyone who has talked to me for a nanosecond KNOWS how much I love love love love LOVE my children!!!
• I hate that we have our ups and downs like any family but that I take them so poorly.

Relationships

The quality of your relationships with friends and romantic partners.

• I love how I've become friends with people from high school that I never thought I would and how my friends love and accept that I won't be anywhere without my children.
• I hate what happened to destroy a very important relationship in my life in July 2009. I hate how angry and hurt I am and that whenever I get upset about the smallest thing this person has done (I mean teeny tiny like forgetting to close the bedroom door), all of my feelings of betrayal, anger, sadness, pure hatred, etc. come seeping back and within minutes, I turn into an angry, (sometimes) yelling crazy woman.

I posted a shorter, less candid version on my other blog. If you would like to do the 31-day reset, join us!